One week on...

Today you are a whole week old! Or at least you will be at 11.28pm :)

This post is more about me than you to be fair. Not a great deal changes with a newborn in the first week. You're eating and sleeping at regular(ish) intervals. You had put on another ounce by your 5-day check up which is brill! Oh yeah, and your cord dropped off today leaving behind an adorable little 'outie' belly button. Other than that, there is little else to report. But this week has definitely been a roller coaster of mixed emotions for mummy.

Bringing you into the world was such an elating feeling.

Watching your brother lovingly interact with you over this past week has been so heart warming. But at the same time has brought with it so much guilt that I haven't been able to pay him the same amount of attention that he has been used to prior to you coming into our lives.

Getting back into the swing of night feeds was always going to be tiring. Doing it with a toddler around, even more so.

I spent so much time whining on about you taking your sweet time about coming out and now you have I feel sad that I'm no longer pregnant - not that you're not totally amazing. I love you more than you will ever realise until you have a child of your own - but you're my last baby. All those amazing pregnancy moments are gone forever. That feeling of birthing your baby and having them handed to you, seeing what they look like, holding them for the first time. Gone.

And just like that, already a week of your life has gone! It's all happening too fast. Witnessing all your firsts is going to be so bittersweet because they're all going to be my lasts.

I try to make sure I take pictures of you every day because I never want to forget any of this.

Look at how much hair you've got!

Look at how tiny your feet are...

I want to soak up as much of you as I can. I want to embrace & savour it all. The good times and the hard times. Because d'you know what, even when you won't stop crying or you won't sleep or you won't let me put you down... I just need to ride it out and tell myself it's only a small part of it. And I wouldn't wish any of it away because there will come a time where I look back - even on the difficult parts - and wish I could do it all over again......

Your birth story!

Monday 22nd February 2016... you had teased me all day that you might be getting ready to make an appearance. I'd had so many bouts of Braxton Hicks for the better part of a week, it was hard to tell if it was the real deal or not.

By Monday evening it was clear that this was the start. My contractions had become longer, stronger and more frequent but I still didn't expect to meet you until the next day. Me & daddy had decided to go try and get some rest to conserve our energy for the event that lie ahead. After only half an hour in bed things were really stepping up a notch and at 10pm daddy had to ring the hospital to let them know we were coming in.

Whilst he was on the phone my waters broke!! and all of a sudden the contractions just didn't seem to stop... It all started happening so fast. Nan came round to look after your brother and daddy tried to get me in the car. It was very touch & go, we didn't think we were even going to make it to hospital at one point. In some respects it was good that it all happened so quick, I didn't really have time to think about what was happening too much. But at the same time it was quite traumatic as I just felt completely out of control.

I was already 9cm dilated by the time I arrived at the hospital and feeling ready to push... apparently your head was crowning as they were taking me up to the labour ward in the lift!! There was no time for the water birth that I so really wanted to have, a little bit of gas & air, a few big pushes and ta dah...

...at 11.28pm you were here! All 7lb 12.5oz of you. We called you Rayna Rose. You looked so tiny <3 You had hair! I really wanted you to have hair :) You reminded me so much of your brother when he was a baby.

I was so proud of you but equally I was proud of myself. I had such a long labour with Dexter and at the end, I didn't have the energy to push him out. I felt like I'd fallen at the last hurdle and it was taken away from me. But not this time, this time I did it. I did it all by myself. It was such an amazing feeling bringing you into the world. Me & daddy were besotted with you right away and couldn't wait to take you home.

Your brother was sooooo excited about us bringing you home. All he wanted to do all the time is kiss you, cuddle you, talk to you, hold you.... he is such a brilliant big brother already.

You obviously got very used to his voice whilst you were in my tummy because no matter how much noise he makes around you, or how much he touches and cuddles you whilst you're sleeping it just never seems to bother you.

In fact, at 3 days old you are already such an amazing little eater and sleeper. We don't know how we could be so lucky and sure hope it continues....

You kept us waiting but you were definitely worth it. You complete us! xx

40 Weeks

I don't know why I was so surprised to wake up today with absolutely zero signs of you even maybe putting in an appearance today. I should have known better really. But today my due date arrived (and is now nearly over) and you still don't seem keen on budging just yet.

At 37 weeks I was classed as full term and was ready for you then, but was ok with the idea that it could still be a while yet.

At 38+3 I finished work and wasn't keen on the idea of being sat at home twiddling my thumbs so was even more ready for you then, but figured there were still a few bits I could be sorting whilst I waited for your arrival.

By the following week I was well & truly fed up of waiting and somehow just expected you to come. I'd been so much more pro-active about engaging in labour-inducing activities this time around and a massive, naive part of me was really hoping they would work. They didn't. Because here I am. Still pregnant.

I'm quite uncomfortable now. There have been various bouts of discomfort over the past few weeks but evidently they were just pregnancy pains and not labour pains. I'm struggling to sleep due to aching hips and bathroom trips.

Me & daddy are already fed up of people pestering asking if there has been any signs or if baby is here yet.... because yep! didn't they know, we just had you in secret and decided not to tell anyone!!! Like I won't be shouting it from the rooftops and spamming my Instagram with a million pics of you when the time finally comes and we get to see your gorgeous face.

And then there's the invaluable advice from every other person...

"Get a hot curry down you tonight, that should do the trick!" - yeah because a runny bum & a ring of fire is exactly what I want when I go into labour.

"Go for a long walk, that might get her moving." - I have been walking. I've been out walking almost every single day. I've walked and walked and walked. It does bugger all, but thanks.

"Have you tried having sex, wink wink nudge nudge" - yes I have thank you. To no avail.

Do they think I haven't had a baby before. Like I haven't heard all these old wives tales before. And if they were so effective your brother wouldn't have been 8 days overdue would he?!

The worst part is, these people mean well. They are just excited to meet you or are just trying to be helpful. So I politely respond, but inside I'm starting to rage a little. I just don't want to hear it. This last stretch of pregnancy is the worst!!

And to add a little something else to the mix, I had an appointment with the midwife last week. At my 37 week appointment my growth seemed to have slowed down a little. At this appointment, my fundal height had barely increased at all. So much so that we've been referred for a growth scan to check you are ok. The midwife reckons it's probably more to do with you going from not being engaged at all to 4/5th engaged in that space of time.... but we have to check. But the stupid scan isn't for another 2 days. You could be here by then! But then again, probably not :(

Come on now baby, mummy & daddy just want to have you here to hold safe & sound xx

The Nursery

After deciding to call it a day at work this week, maternity leave has officially begun. So far, you have given me no indication that you have any intention of going anywhere anytime soon and I'm already growing a little impatient waiting.

But with only 10 days to go before the big day (or at least when the big day is supposed to be) I figured I best at least start getting things prepared so today, me & daddy (and Dexter, of course) finally finished your bedroom.....